When you live with another person you are romantically involved with, you will likely share the same bed.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with expressing your affection for a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Your post sounds like you already know the right thing to do, you've just got to have the courage to do it and make it stick.
Kosnik and others, Human Sexuality.
It seems you're answering all of your own questions:
This virtue, moreover, gives great freedom:
Instead, sexuality should be alien oral sex expression of unity for life, just as newlyweds vow to be with each other until death does them apart.
Thou shalt not commit adultery.